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The Devil's Laundry Service

07 | 18th Oct 2024

Imagine a world where Apple were the ONLY company that made smartphones. Realistically, they could put in as much or as little effort as they wanted into their phones, because it's not like you have any other choice.

This is the situation with Circuit Laundry, a washing machine/drying service that has a monopoly on student accommodation in the UK because there's simply no other company that provides clothes washing services for accomodations.

It's not like I can just go to a laundromat either, because I don't have a car and the nearest one is a 15 minute walk away. I don't feel too great about walking around with my dirty clothes in the streets of Sheffield either.

So what exactly is the problem with Circuit Laundry? Well, to ensure that my rant is as objective as possible, I've compiled a list of pros:

• It's conveniently just downstairs

Now that you've seen my extensive pros list, let's move on to the shitstorm called Circuit Laundry.

A romantic evening with 9 washing machines

...and how I spent 4 pounds on a can of Fanta

I hadn't washed my clothes in a moment, and the day I decided to go down to the laundry room was the day it was closed for a 5-day maintenance period. I had to wait 5 days before I could wash my clothes again, but it almost seemed worth the wait because they were replacing the old machines with new, 'improved' ones. Circuit Laundry didn't have the best systems at the time, so surely this would be a step in the right direction?

Now, for a small bit of context, the system before required you to do the following for a wash:

1. Download the Circuit Laundry app
2. Top up your account with money
3. Scan the QR code on the washing machine
4. Choose a wash cycle and press START.

It was an annoyance because the machines would often break down, dryers would stop working and the app itself crashed any time you tried to view the ongoing cycles menu so you'd have to guess how long a cycle had left. You also had to pay 5 pounds minimum into your account. Not too great, so I was excited for the new machines.

I went down to the laundry room a few days after it was open, and I was greeted with a room of 9 brand new washing machines and dryers.

Wait.

There's only 9 washing machines and 9 dryers in the room. And this accomodation houses around 500 people.

Okay... not a great start if I'm honest. You'd think that they'd at least double the amount of machines but.. it's better than nothing, right? While I wait for a machine to free up, I decide to download the new app they required for these machines and make an account so I can have my money ready to go.

But.. when I try to make the account, it just says:



I tried again, and again, and again, but it just wouldn't let me make an account. I was convinced the machines were just unusable until I saw a small screen in a hidden corner of the room that allowed you to make the transaction without the app. I was relieved, but I was also confused as to why the app was even necessary.

I'm not really a huge fan of apps that are just glorified web browsers, but the fact they have this display in the first place just tells me that they know their app is unusable. Can they not afford to fix it? Is having a large monopoly on an entire country's student accomodation not enough to fix a simple app?

One of the machines finally completed a cycle, but whoever was using it before never came to pick up their stuff. I got thirsty from all the doing-nothing and decided to go to the vending machine and grab a drink.

Apparently even the vending machine has a "we're all you have, so we can do whatever we want" attitude, because I paid 4 pounds for a can of Fanta. That's 5 USD. For a can of Fanta. I paid for it because a man needs to drink, but I wasn't happy about it. Sad Fanta.

Too much time passed and no one had come to pick up their clothes, so I decided to go back to my room, where I currently am, to wait until the early hours of the morning to go back down and see if the machines are free. I genuinely don't think it's possible to have a worse user experience than this. The moment a competitor comes along, Circuit Laundry is being dragged down into the depths of hell.

Speaking of competitors...

How to run a good laundry service

Alternative title: How to be a god amongst men

If you look at Circuit Laundry's app reviews anywhere, the amount of 1 star reviews significantly outweighs the others. It seems like every single crevice and corner of the app has a bug, and the developers are nowhere to be seen.

Here are some of my favourite reviews:





Psst, hey you. Wanna start a business? Hoping to make a quick buck? Here's how you can make a laundry service that doesn't have a review section consisting entirely of people who'd rather pull off their own fingernails than use your service:

• Hire actual developers who know how to make apps, and perform QA testing.
• Have a decent amount of machines in a single area. The ratio of machines to people should not be 1:50.
• Don't charge 4.90 for a cycle
• BE F*CKING TOLERABLE!!!!!!!!!
• Shoutout my website

Stuck with Circuit Laundry? Try This

...because clean clothes should be a human right

It turns out that there's a method of using some of the machines at Circuit Laundry without having to pay for them. While sharing this method may be risky because it could be patched out, I doubt this blog would be to blame because there are plenty of TikToks explaining this exact method.

If you press two buttons on the machine at the same time twice, you'll be able to start a cycle without having to pay.

This typically only works on one or two machines in a single room, and the combination of buttons varies with models, so you'll have to experiment a bit. I recommend looking up a TikTok or YouTube video on how to do this.



Maybe one day, the world will rest easy knowing that Circuit Laundry is no more. Until then, I wish you all a great night and the best washing experience possible.